Uncomfortable: Relationships – The Two “Golden” Rules for Improving Intimacy

So, I don’t know about you, but there are a couple rules that I don’t believe in breaking in relationships. Besides loyalty and the traditional “golden rule”, I believe that you should 1. never go to bed angry and 2. always kiss your partner goodnight. These are my two Golden Rules in a relationship. 

These rules are seemingly simple enough, but sometimes they are hard to follow. Like when you’re fighting before bed, and you’re exhausted, and you would rather just leave it alone until the morning… This happens. And then, you sure as hell don’t want to kiss your partner goodnight and you’re also going to bed angry (and/or fighting) – so then both “rules” are broken in an instant. Isn’t that a crappy feeling? Not the rule breaking feeling, but the letting yourself, and your partner, down feeling.
I’ve broken my rules before, because #LifeHappens, and I hate the feeling – it gives me anxiety and my stomach stays in knots. I am the partner who can’t sleep when you go to bed fighting. I lay in bed all night and go over everything in my head. Which is a problem, because you a. make things out to be worse than they are and b. don’t get any sleep so then, when you’re partner wants to talk in the morning you’re like this…

Via Huffington Post

And I’m not saying that some people don’t need a “cooling off” period. I know sometimes I do. You get too caught up in the argument that you kind of forget what you were fighting about in the first place – because we have this tendency to pull things from past arguments to make points in the current one… Which isn’t necessarily right either.
However, the reason it is so important to follow the two Golden Rules is this:

  1. When we kiss the levels of Oxytocin in our brain sky rocket. Oxytocin, a.k.a the love hormone, is released from the pituitary glad when we engage in sexual activities – like kissing.
    And while we are kissing, our Cortisol levels also drop, reducing stress levels. Which hey, if you’re fighting – reducing stress is definitely a positive.
  2. When you go to bed angry, you are adding bricks to a wall that divides you further as a couple. As the wall gets higher, the further apart you and your partner will become.

    Via Her Campus

Not being willing to end an argument or come to a resolution before sacking out, can also send the wrong signal to your significant other. You are sending a signal that “winning” the fight, is potentially more important to you than preserving your relationship. And if you care about your relationship, then sending that signal is not what you want to be doing…

Let’s get REAL about our intimacy issues.
Let’s get uncomfortable and discuss how we can be better partners to one another.

❤ ❤ ❤

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